@CroweJam: Giving blood today. Not my own, of course. That would be creepy.
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@lazerdoov: I bought "extra whitening" toothpaste and now my teeth are spending a year in Korea teaching English
@Carbosly: Do cute firemen still come when a cat is stuck in a tree? Only in case of fire? Fine. But pretty sure my cat won't like being set on fire.
@BRENTHOR: Interviewer: what would you say is your biggest weakness? Me: *high pitched mocking voice* what would you say is your biggest weakness?
@StevieKnip: lawyer talking under his breath: "guiltypeoplesaywhat?" suspect: what? lawyer: no further questions your honor