@murrman5: [giving mother in law my famous salad dressing recipe over the phone] 1 part vinegar, then *bites lip so I don't laugh* 2 parts baking soda
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@Tommytoughstuff: [getting an x-ray] TECHNICIAN: Quit putting that box of chocolates on your chest. ME: Just tell me which ones are coconut.
@Social_Mime: Waiting for a mannequin with a gut so I can really see how that shirt will look on me.
@JennyJohnsonHi5: Guess who doesn't want to hear your kid sing? Everyone. The answer is everyone, so stop it.