@QwertyJones3: Giving people the finger while driving just isn't effective. Which is why I had the catapult installed.
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@TheMichaelRock: Her: is he trained? Wife: of course! Me[from the couch] QUIT TRYING TO SELL ME ON CRAIGSLIST
@daemonic3: The worst part of getting a chain wallet for your birthday is that now you have 3 days to send 10 chain wallets to your friends.
@brendohare: Ants can lift something 50 times their body weight. Wow. That means you can lift a leaf. Cool. I could do that when I was 14. Tiny idiots.
@moneybreton: Top Fears 1.Walking on manholes 2.Driving, hit a deer, windshield breaks, deer caught and frantically bucks me to death 3.Christopher Walken