@TheCatWhisprer: Giving somebody a greeting card is the most festive way to deposit $5 into their trashcan.
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@ericsshadow: [wife checking on me and the kids] Hello "I called the house, you didn't answer." I went out. "Ok. Well how have they been?" How's who been?
@nerdreign: I worry that people who say "I'll sleep when I'm dead" may have missed a Science class or two.
@BrettDruck: I have bad fight or flight instincts. Guy wants a fight in an elevator, I try to run. Truck heading straight at me 45 mph, let's do this bro