@TheCatWhisprer: Giving somebody a greeting card is the most festive way to deposit $5 into their trashcan.
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@primawesome: Wait what do you mean Jesus loves me? Did he say something to you? OMG I'm freaking out right now tell me his exact words.
@PaperWash: me: [placing 20 bags of pizza rolls onto counter] cashier: getting ready for the big snow storm? me: snow storm?
@iAmJuddy: Wifey: We should get a chest freezer. Me: We don't need a freezer that big. Wifey: What if we need to hide bodies? Me: I love you.
@OneTrickTofani: *Robber runs into Chipotle* GIMME THE MONEY IN THE REGISTER "Is this for here or to go?" Uh. To go "Do you want guac?" Sure "It's extra"