@PaperWash: Giving someone a Dunkin Donuts gift certificate for their birthday is the perfect way to say "I love you" and "I hate you" at the same time
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@Real_Dick_Head: Establish dominance by sitting close to the buffet and growling every time someone walks up to get food.
@rockymomax: COP: drop the gun CRIMINAL: no COP: [flipping through police handbook, whispers to partner] it doesnt say what to do if he says no
@daemonic3: [shark tank] "Hi, what's your product idea?" Product? [holding bucket of live fish] I'm here to see the tank of sh-... I've made a mistake