@Brianhopecomedy: Glad I spent 40 minutes getting my 1 year old dressed so she could go outside for 3 seconds.
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@TheTweetOfGod: Today is the first day of the rest of your life and you've already screwed it up.
@GloriaFallon123: Instead of going to couples therapy, married people should just join Tinder and see what a nightmare single people have to deal with
@MrGeorgeWallace: Why do football players only dance when good shit happens? Just once I wanna see a QB throw an interception & do a sad, interpretive dance.