@Brianhopecomedy: Glad I spent 40 minutes getting my 1 year old dressed so she could go outside for 3 seconds.
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@WilliamRodgers: Justin Bieber was "Baptized" last night.... Or as the church likes to call it... "A failed attempt to drown Bieber"
@KittensMittens: Mom: I think I'm gonna make a twitter Me: Mom it costs like $500 a year... Mom: That's expensive I'll stick with Facebook Me: Aww too bad
@ClearlyUnwell: I've just realised that I've got one of those cool body types that can eat whatever I want and get fat.