@Brianhopecomedy: Glad I spent 40 minutes getting my 1 year old dressed so she could go outside for 3 seconds.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@TheDailySchmuck: [Eating unhealthy potato at restaurant] Cop: You're under arrest. Me: What's the charge? [Lowers sunglasses] Cop: a salt and buttery.
@tchrquotes: My wife says the sweetest things in the morning like"Love you," & "DID YOU SERIOUSLY EAT ALL THE COOKIE DOUGH FOR BREAKFAST WHAT IS WRONG WI