@WilliamAder: Glad I'm not a general, because auto-correct just changed "lunch order" to "launch order."
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@FloodyHippie: I support Greenpeace because I care about environmental activism, just not enough to do any of the real work myself.
@MikeCanRant: Summer Safety Tip: Before swimming in the ocean, cover yourself in gluten to lower the chances of being eaten by health conscious sharks.
@nPhelendriqal: This looks like a job for.. *I rip open my jacket* Jacket Repair Man! *I sew my jacket back together*