@WilliamAder: Glad I'm not a general, because auto-correct just changed "lunch order" to "launch order."
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@Where__wolf: You guys have been the worst hostages I've ever used, hands down. *everyone lowers their hands* GODDAMN IT!!
@Book_Krazy: A fun way to make someone self conscious, is to put a nose hair trimmer in their grocery cart while maintaing full eye contact with them.
@Brampersandon_: ME: need help? GIRL (having car trouble): could u give me a jump ME (inflating the bounce house I keep in my trunk): I thought u'd never ask