@SortaBad: Glad my car insurance company requires a 10 character password to log-in. Wouldn't want someone to hack in and...pay my insurance bill
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@RidiculousSheri: It's getting Hot In Herre, so take off all your clothes! Also, drink this water because I don't want you to get dehydrated. -Nervous Nelly
@TheTimmyToes: I just want to be rich enough to say "that won't be necessary" when the police go to handcuff me
@Reverend_Scott: SON: I need lunch money. DAD: Get a job. SON: I'm in 5th grade- DAD: All I'm hearin' is excuses.
@trojansauce: ME: *vaping* FRIEND: is that just a fountain pen? ME: *ink all over my teeth* nope