@SortaBad: Glad my car insurance company requires a 10 character password to log-in. Wouldn't want someone to hack in and...pay my insurance bill
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@david8hughes: Interviewer: says here you have a military background Me [getting out my phone]: yeah but I changed to a picture of my dog eating spaghetti
@ArfMeasures: CARPET SALESMAN: [sighing, handing me another sample] What about this one for your bedroom? ME: Hmmm no that one is also far too small
@Quartzjixler: I hope the mysterious food thief at the office enjoys the dog food marinara and Jello with my toenail clippings I made for him/her.
@SexytotheNorth: *selects Warrant's Cherry Pie on jukebox. *starts dancing on counter top in cafe. *enjoys a piece of hot pie in back of police cruiser.