@junejuly12: *gleefully prepares egg salad sandwiches for milestone birthday party of office nemesis*
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@DistractedMomma: My kids use all the toilet paper, dictate when I sleep and eat, and destroy everything I own. My house is its own little communist country.
@70Ceeks: Chefs who can't admit failure present: Soft-boiled eggs Steak tartare Twice-baked potatoes Sour cream Calzones Pineapple upside down cake
@KarateDonuts: McDonald's is now selling the Big MacGyver. Just a slab of meat a paper clip and some foil with a note that says "You figure it out."