@junejuly12: *gleefully prepares egg salad sandwiches for milestone birthday party of office nemesis*
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@AdamBroud: [slowly pushing iceberg in front of titanic] little mermaid: 🎶I'll have gadgets and gizmos a-plenty🎶
@TheBoydP: Fact: People do their most creative problem solving when they’re drunk. (I didn’t say best, I said creative)
@living_marble: "Go to hell" is so abstract. "Get trapped in a porta potty for 67 months." Now that's specific. That's possible. That's terrifying.
@MomOnFire: If you love someone, give them a possum in a box. Then you'll know how they react in a panic and you might change your mind.