@pleatedjeans: Global warming is real the number of hot singles in my area has been increasing since 2007 that cannot be a coincidence
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@kirkdiedrich: The guy behind the counter asked me what I wanted on my sub and I said a collar and restraints and now I'm not allowed in Subway.
@adult_mom: Start yelling "DON'T FORGET!" when saying goodbye to people so that they panic about what they're supposed to be remembering
@Darlainky: Maybe naming my new hippie themed bar Free Spirits was a bit misleading. Lesson learned.
@AngryRaccoon2: "Hey, we see that everything you've ever watched has been in English, may we suggest something in German?" -Netflix.