@pleatedjeans: Global warming is real the number of hot singles in my area has been increasing since 2007 that cannot be a coincidence
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@WilliamRodgers: What my Doctor said... "Sugar kills more people than Cocaine" What I heard... "The next time you're craving Cake...Do some blow instead"
@Holy_Mowgli: ~mattress store ME:i need to use the intercom CASHIER:no M:this time for real…my kid's lost C: M: C:fine M:*to entire store*I SEE BED PEOPLE
@Sarcasticsapien: When someone says "excuse me while I slip into something more comfortable", how long are they usually gone? Two days seems like a long time.