@Lowenaffchen: Glue a tiny mirror over your driver's license photo so when you hand it to the cops they get confused and start arresting themselves instead
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@Jacksawyerr: Sorry, the dog stood on my keyboard and liked that Instagram photo of you from 47 weeks ago.
@thesupergrobi: Stop telling men beards alone will make women love them when everyone knows they need to play the guitar too.
@Seamus_the_Bold: I don't think it's rude to ask someone in an online dating site to send a picture posing with a copy of today's newspaper.
@TheRobCee: [Taylor Swift on toilet, going #2. Kanye jumps out of her shower] "Yo, Taylor- I'm really happy for you & I'm-a let you finish, but..."