@birbigs: Gluten free pizza is like a roller coaster that just goes straight.
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@Fred_Delicious: if you're ever worried there's an intruder in your house, shout 69 down the stairs. if no one laughs, there's no one there
@sokangarude: People that say "we're not even white, we're pink" obviously haven't seen the parts of me that have never been in sunlight.
@jbryantiii: As a young child my mom told me I could be anything I wanted to be. It turns out that the police call this identity theft.
@VictorscarletJ: 70 yr old boss: i have the body of a fit 30 yr old. Me: where? Buried in your rose garden?