@jnrbtsn: Go ahead, judge me. Wait, let me get my bat first. Alright, I'm ready now.
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@KateWhineHall: Really, there's no need to ever take your kids anywhere fun because they can just sit and complain at home for a lot less money.
@INDlAN_: Adulthood is like looking both sides before crossing the street and them getting hit by an airplane.
@fuzzlime: Tweriod: That time of the month when all my tweets are moody, retain water and are about chocolate and cheesecake
@torrami: Dragons aren't evil; they're just upset that they can't enjoy Popsicles and other frozen treats.