@jnrbtsn: Go ahead, judge me. Wait, let me get my bat first. Alright, I'm ready now.
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@MichaelTrying: My calendar says there's a new moon tomorrow. The old one was there for 4.5 billion years; you'd think people would be more excited.
@SethMacFarlane: Your baby has no idea that you threw him a 1st birthday party. All you did was inconvenience your friends.
@SeanINCypress: Did anyone else go into a furious, violent rage when they found out that George Lucas filmed most of Star Wars here on Earth?
@KirstenCatClub: [God Creating Raccoons] God: make a panda but a trash panda, then give it a mask so that people would know it will kill them for their food