@TastyTuneTweets: Go ahead lady, call the cops. I have witnesses that say your toddler started it.
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@CodyJP9412: [creating the armadillo] GOD: I want a half turtle, ANGEL: Okay G: Half pig, A: Okay, I'm on it- G: Half anteater A: ...Are u drunk G: Very
@PhilLaysheO: Write a suicide note on Facebook and they try to talk you out of it. Write a suicide note on Twitter and they correct your grammar.
@WildeThingy: Teacher "Hi, why are you here?" Me "Um, isn't this the beginners' philosophy class?" Teacher "Yes and you're off to a really bad start."