@TastyTuneTweets: Go ahead lady, call the cops. I have witnesses that say your toddler started it.
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@BruceForce: Guys, I'm officially having sex tonight so please don't disturb me between 9.30 and 9.31
@TheDjinnTrials: Twitter is an invention created by aliens so we don't notice the period of time missing when they take us for experimentation.
@pleatedjeans: [talks about how badass wolves are for 20 mins] date: can we talk about something else? [pulls out powerpoint on why wolves are badass] No
@k_lli: A guy was honking at a car ahead of him to speed up at 6AM so I followed him bc his job must be amazing if he's that excited to get to work.