@TastyTuneTweets: Go ahead lady, call the cops. I have witnesses that say your toddler started it.
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@faizziy: Me: What's your strongest weakness? Candidate: ... *Realises stupid question & thinks of cover up M: It's a trick question. You're hired!
@kodeeezzzy: Why is it called "Alien vs Predator"? Isn't predator an alien too? They should've just called it "Some Aliens"
@SamuelHLowe: - I'm your son's teacher and I'm calling to tell you that he may be a compulsive liar. - And a damn good one. I don't have any sons.
@sofarrsogud: DINOSAUR PARTY TRICERATOPS: GROUP SELFIE!! *hands phone to T-Rex T-REX: Still not funny you guys. Not. Funny.