@TastyTuneTweets: Go ahead lady, call the cops. I have witnesses that say your toddler started it.
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@FlyJ_: You know that one relative that is annoying AF and no one in the family can tolerate? Yeah, she's staying at my house this week.
@WonderMonkey78: I love it when all my iPhone apps tremble in fear when I'm about to delete one of them. Makes me feel like God.
@bingowings14: Someone claimed that their dog could retrieve a ball from up to a mile away, sounds a bit far fetched to me.
@notalogin: First they came for the people who say "Awesome sauce," and I said nothing, because, frankly, those people deserve it.