@cynicanoldicus: Go ahead, post and claim my tweets as your own. Maybe later, if you like, I'll come satisfy your woman and you can take credit for that too.
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@TheCatWhisprer: [cats at shelter] Where's Frank? "Got adopted 3 weeks ago. Gone soft too. Healthcare plan. Hypoallergenic blanket. Goes by Mr. Boots now."
@MsSugar_Kisses: I need to chat with my coworker's husband.. If he was bangin' her properly, we wouldn't have to deal with her bad attitude..
@pixelatedboat: The problem with millennials is they were taught to look up to Pokemon not *struggles to think of a thing old people respect* Mussolini
@JohnnyCrash5: *Eats a Lean Cuisine *20 minutes go by. *Devours entire Pizza Hut store...including employees.