@trevso_electric: Go buy a burrito, leave it in your fridge, get drunk, come home and be your own best secret admirer.
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@Sal0630: In a perfect world anyone that said they, “literally died,” would drop dead on the spot.
@QwertyJones3: Most people don't even know that New York was attacked by the Stay Puffed Marshmallow Man in the 80's. I saw a documentary about it.
@RexHuppke: For parents of small children, weekends are about as relaxing as showering with cats.
@Mz_Cake_Vodka: My ex got run down by a bus today. I thought "Wow, that could have been me!" But I can't drive a bus.