@knotyuraverage: Go hard or stay average
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@imlaurenmcguire: I like that all the Ikea instructions illustrations always assume I have a friend.
@thatdutchperson: My life would have been very different had I done anything with the same intensity as brushing my teeth on the day of a dentist appointment.
@ericsshadow: GUY: my new boss is gay ME: my new bed sheets are warm GUY: [clearly frustrated] what does that have to do with anything? ME: exactly