@JasonLastname: Go into a bathroom stall and write: "For A Good Time Call Your Mother. She Misses You & Enjoys Hearing Your Voice."
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@djdarrellripley: It's true. Parents that use drugs, have kids that use drugs. So, there's an important lesson here... Don't have kids.
@liv_thatsme: Sometimes I wish I were Dorothy, because I really like dogs and also because I want to crush someone with a house.
@nolifecoach: To the woman with the screaming kids in Walmart: If you're wondering how the condoms got in your cart....You're welcome
@Celestinelea90: Her: You know when you're craving a cheeseburger but you order a salad instead... Me: (wiping ketchup off my face with my sleeve) No.