@JasonLastname: Go into a bathroom stall and write: "For A Good Time Call Your Mother. She Misses You & Enjoys Hearing Your Voice."
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@simoncholland: [Mother's Day text to my wife] Don't let the kids know I sent this but do you know where we keep the powdered sugar and band-aids?
@tarashoe: a proper response to girl calling "amy?" in ladies bathroom wouldve been silence. but instead i yelled YOU WON'T FIND YOUR PRECIOUS AMY HERE
@YeahDrewisOn: My girlfriend is: - super sweet - light as a feather - pink - melts in my mouth when I eat her - always at a circus - possibly cotton candy
@Tmoney68: If you didn't get called to a meeting with your 5-yr-old son's principal because he was inviting girls to his "naked party," you aren't me.