@JasonLastname: Go into a bathroom stall and write: "For A Good Time Call Your Mother. She Misses You & Enjoys Hearing Your Voice."
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@preritpathak: Therapist: Problem? Me: I always quote Eminem lyrics. T: Explain? M: I can't tell you what it really is,I can only tell u what it feels like
@Kendragarden: It's important to vary your diet. Like, yesterday I had popcorn & a margarita for dinner so tonight I'm having popcorn & wine for dinner.
@bridger_w: If you need a ride to the airport, give me at least two weeks notice so I'll have a chance to clear my schedule and die
@AndrewChamings: In a coffee shop ask the person next to you to watch your laptop, but don’t leave. Put on netflix and binge spongebob with your new pal.