@Home_Halfway: Go to a fancy restaurant. Order the lobster. Order it alive. When it comes, order food for your new pet lobster. Then take lobster home.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@TeflonPawn: If you're looking for someone to mute the National Geographics channel and narrate the animals thoughts, look no further.
@SveldtSmelt: Talking to women is a lot like origami. I don't know where to start and I always end up screaming.
@LizHackett: THEM: I have a story about that person. Someday when I'm drunk enough, I'll tell you. ME: [pulls bottle of wine from purse] Let's do this.
@murrman5: *walks in house wearing a large neck brace* oh no, what happened? "my earbud cord got caught on a chair while I was walking"