@Home_Halfway: Go to a fancy restaurant. Order the lobster. Order it alive. When it comes, order food for your new pet lobster. Then take lobster home.
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@MableGertrude: It's funny how you think it's your cat leaving all those dead birds on your doorstep.
@PaigeKellerman: Way back when, I thought technology would look more like flying cars and less like me yelling "The laptop's not a touch screen," at my kids.
@DirtMcTurd: My friends call me Superman, not because I help people, its because I wear the same clothes everyday
@kenwhacksit: I received a call from a charity asking me to donate clothes for starving people. Anyone who can fit into my clothes isn't starving!