@lucidchemistry: Go to an open house and ask the realtor if they'll stand in the basement with the door closed so you can hear if screams are audible outside
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@_ElvishPresley_: [Obama giving Trump the White House tour] O: and here's the toaster, it tends to stick so don't be afraid to jam a fork in to get it workin
@NuryVittachi: WIFE: So, is Elon Musk an alien from another galaxy? ME: Nah, an alien would have a name made of random human sounds. Wait
@Black__Elvis: I don't understand why I keep getting denied for bank loans because I have good credit & I'm only asking to borrow like four or five banks.