@lucidchemistry: Go to an open house and ask the realtor if they'll stand in the basement with the door closed so you can hear if screams are audible outside
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@Malocallidus: What if Daft Punk is just a couple of rad old ladies who met in knitting club and shared a love of sick beats?
@theshantilly: How long can one listen to a kid talk before it's officially considered a hostage situation?
@TheTweetOfGod: Justin Bieber's home has now been thoroughly searched, but police have uncovered no evidence of talent.
@tombrodude: tinder, huh? back in my day if you wanted a girl to notice you, you had to dress like a gargoyle and cling to the roof of her parents' home