@lucidchemistry: Go to an open house and ask the realtor if they'll stand in the basement with the door closed so you can hear if screams are audible outside
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@donni: Surprise parties are great. Depress your friend by pretending to forget their birthday, then terrify them briefly
@murrman5: [wife calls] did you write "make all the traps from home alone" on the calendar [me at hardware store holding paint cans and feathers] "no"
@panmidwest: GOD: i'm going to tell you the name by which you may call me throughout all generations MOSES: no way GOD: yahweh MOSES: ok so what is it
@AthenaMystique: *Turns up "Eye of the Tiger"* *air boxes* *jumps imaginary rope* *takes awesome nap* *crowned World Nap Champion third day in a row*