@Kyle_Lippert: Go to Starbucks. Tell them your name is Dad. Hide in the crowd. Listen as the hipster barista says "Dad?..Dad?..DAD?..DAD?!" & starts crying
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@Sassafrantz: Pretended to add my number into this obnoxious guy's phone. All I did was edit his mom's contact. Hope she likes dick pics and booty calls.
@iAmDelFreaky: *sticks hand into jean pocket* Aw damn, why in the hell do I have bbq sauce in my pocket? *checks other pocket and finds nuggets* Oh, ok.
@FullMetalMommy: Chin up divorced people; lots of us smug married parents envy your 50/50 custody agreement.
@jus4golf: Me: What's for dinner? Her: Chinese. Me: I will make the Duck Sauce. *catches duck *fires up juicer