@Kyle_Lippert: Go to Starbucks. Tell them your name is Dad. Hide in the crowd. Listen as the hipster barista says "Dad?..Dad?..DAD?..DAD?!" & starts crying
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@tarashoe: i love nature :) sittin in grass, soakin up sun, listenin to all those weird ringtones that come from those animals in the trees or whatever
@lecalabara: I dont know about you guys, but I am amazed Pringles is able to constantly grow the same shaped potato. Science.
@PharmerRPh: Judge: "Reason for divorce?" Me: "Reconcilable differences." Judge: "Don't you mean irreconcilable?" Me: "Ugh. You sound just like her."
@TheAlexP: [at bank] Samuel L Jackson turning in swear jar: I need a bank check to buy Rhode Island