@Kyle_Lippert: Go to Starbucks. Tell them your name is Dad. Hide in the crowd. Listen as the hipster barista says "Dad?..Dad?..DAD?..DAD?!" & starts crying
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@SteveSuckington: [Taken 26] Abductor: I have your great granddaughter LIAM NEESON: I literally died 12 years ago
@Cheeseboy22: The best way to infuriate a mom is to open a second box of something when there's still a box of the same thing already open.