@ilikeyouguys: Go to tattoo shop to get both legs fully covered. Before he touches me w that needle, I run off yelling 'thanks for the free shave loser!'
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@pattymo: Just came across my proto-Simpsons shitpost from 2015, approximately one million years ago
@Jaybberwocky: Had day surgery - came out with about fifteen less followers than when I went in with. So apparently I'm offensive even when unconscious.
@gianni_bcn: *Dies and goes toward the light* Light: "I have a boyfriend"
@ojedge: [packing for holiday] WIFE: U don't have to only put suits in a suitcase ME: [putting underwear in briefcase] I don't make the rules Karen
@PinkCamoTO: H: I think we should see other people. Me: Do I have to? I don't even really want to see you.
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