@mdob11: Goal weight: "are you ok, you look sick"
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@travisauruss: MAN TO LIZARD: "SO I HEAR YOU'RE IN FLOORING SALES" LIZARD: "IM MORE IN PROMOTION" MAN: "WHAT DO YOU DO" LIZARD: "I REP TILE"
@iwearaonesie: [dad accidentally steps on the dog] I'm sorry girl, I didn't see you. Are you ok? [dad accidentally steps on me] Why are you on the floor?!
@ArfMeasures: HER [sits seductively on my lap] The more you tip...the more I'll take off ME [reaches for wallet] This is such a weird way to cut hair