@mdob11: Goal weight: "are you ok, you look sick"
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@topaz_kell: I love horror movies until it's time to do laundry in the basement and I have to run up the stairs before a scary force pulls me back down.
@murrman5: [consoling widow] I was the one who put the kick me sign on your husband. I had no idea you owned a horse that can read
@dvoted_hubsand: I cant use facebook cuz everyone making popular comment I wish I thought of first, like "thank God it Friday!" or "Im pregnant of baby"
@TheTweetOfGod: St. Patrick's Day may just be an excuse to drink, but then again so is Ireland.