@BruceForce: WARNING: DO NOT TRY AND EAT WARREN BUFFET. HE IS NOT AN ACTUAL BUFFET AND IS NOT MADE OF FOOD

@Tbone7219: Tweets a cocaine joke gets 120 favorites & a trophy Post a cocaine joke on Facebook & gets 170 "we are praying for you" & an intervention.

@Bizarro_Mark: I'll go to extreme lengths to get the last bit of toothpaste from the tube but I'll also watch 2 hrs of Nick Jr if I can't reach the remote.

@ManJuggs: I think I finally found your G-Spot. It's been in my wallet the whole time.

@jergarl: [Showing a friend around the house] Me: And THIS is where my 5 yr old eats his popcorn. *motions to area covered in popcorn.