@Audenary: ME: Who is your favourite philosopher?
PROFESSOR: It's Hume.
ME: Sorry - whom is your favourite philosopher?
@iamburtjarvis: [2011, pakistan, seal team 6 enters the compound]
"chief, something has brought the boys to the yard"
bin laden [making a milkshake]: SHIT
@autocorrects: Do I turn left when nothing is right? Or do I turn right when there's nothing left?
@Just_Beachy72: Son told me "Make me a sandwich, woman" and now I have one child instead of two
@_eric_alexander: I predict that in the year 2050 the only people who will have tramp stamps will be grandmas. Thus they will be referred to as granny stamps.
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