@samalmightysam: God created women and the devil taught her to smile.
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@green_eyed_doll: Relationship status: Just kissed my cat and he got up and moved to the other end of the couch.
@OfficialMizGin: My parties got a hundred times better when I realized if I didn’t invite anybody I could eat all the snacks.
@qwertying: Daughter: Dad do Zombies exist? Dad: No dear they're people wearing lots of makeup. Daughter: Oh like mommy? Dad: Close enough.