@ElliotHetherton: God [creating centipedes]: *falls asleep with elbow on the legs button*
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@rachelle_mandik: most vending-machine shaking incidents are elaborate coverups by people who don't want to be seen hugging the machine and saying i love you
@AimeeHelene1: Me: What do you think about that? Him: *typing* *typing* *typing* *typing* *typing* *typing* 5 minutes later K
@rad_milk: when i was born i was no bigger than a hotdog, and no better. now i am the size of many hotdogs, and just as good
@ScottLinnen: You really dropped the ball today Ted. You're fired. "Please, no. I can try harder." You operate a wrecking crane, man. People died.