@ElliotHetherton: God [creating centipedes]: *falls asleep with elbow on the legs button*
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@TheAlexP: She said "you look like trouble"...so I nudged her down the stairs, because I don't like people falling short of their expectations.
@InternetHippo: JESUS: I am the way, the truth, and the life ME: This guy is definitely an only child
@BigOlBossman: WAITER: soup or salad? CLARK KENT: *sweating nervously* just a REGULAR salad for a REGULAR guy please ha ha. nothing super about it...
@abbycohenwl: [Buzzfeed for Cats] 6 THINGS THAT WILL MAKE U BOLT FROM THE ROOM -Vacuum cleaner -Walls -The floor -Air -Yourself -Nothing. Nothing at all