@Cpin42: [God, creating pigeons]
Make them pace back and forth like a lawyer.
@bourgeoisalien: A skinny friend told me she's never hungry and just 'forgets to eat', so I drove her out to the woods and left her for dead. Is that wrong?
@turtledumplin: If I ever got stranded on an island, I could totally use the glare that bounces off the whiteness of my legs to signal for help.
@shahnischmani: I JUST CONSUMED SO MUCH SUGAR THAT I FEEL ALL SHOUTY IN MY HEAD AND CAPS LOCKY AND HOLY CRAP HOW DO PEOPLE DO ACTUAL DRUGS
@DevilryFun: I'm not scared I'll end up in an asylum after a breakdown. I'm scared someone will record it on their phone and I'll end up on a GIF.
@darkmatter_wimp: I'm on a new diet where all I eat is soup on weekdays. It's called: Miso Hungry.