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@daemonic3: [God creating pufferfish]
How about a terrifying balloon
@neonwario: I excuse myself to the washroom before I order
You walk in and see me, leaning towards the mirror repeating "I'll have the hamburger please"
@FrogAvalanche: 911: Whats ur emergency?
"OMG my neighbours cat is stuck on the roof-"
911: Ma'am, this is an emergency only service-
"-of my sons mouth."
@_sleepysmile: What's with this 'running with scissors' bullshit? Why would you run with scissors? Are you that excited to cut paper?
@TheTweetOfGod: Saturday night is for moaning My name. Sunday morning is for chanting it.
@BatmanOffDuty: Oh hey, I see you touched your computer again.