@SarcasticAlly12: God, designing a toddler: ya know what would be hilarious would be if it has no ability to reason but talks nonstop. Also make it trip a lot
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@david8hughes: [batteries in my TV remote die for the first time since I bought it 4 years ago] "Useless piece of shit."
@Manda_like_wine: Well, son, when a man loves a woman very much he expresses that love by slowly transforming into a human sloth.
@kumailn: "I'll be a dentist. Then they'll love me." "We're terrified of dentists." "I'll kill a lion!" "It was a beloved lion with a name." "Dammit."
@theshamingofjay: The human soul weighs 1.2lbs. I know because I've weighed myself before and after I walk into my job