@tehviking: God grant me the dgaf to lol at the things I can’t even, the swag to yolo the things I can, and the lifehacks to know the difference
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@Kauaibride: settle down twitter crush. i didn't ask your last name to google you. i wanted to see how it sounded with the names i've picked for our kids
@bridger_w: If you need a ride to the airport, give me at least two weeks notice so I'll have a chance to clear my schedule and die
@CanadianPitbull: I know why you wear your wedding ring on your left hand guys. Cause once you say "I do" your right hand is gonna be awful busy.