@shariv67: God grant me the serenity to accept the terms and conditions I will not read.
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@Lance_Said_This: What sucks about those little hotel shampoo bottles is there's no room for the directions so you kind of have to wing it.
@rockymomax: [in bed] HER: talk dirty to me ME: one time I licked the floor of a subway HER: I meant- ME: I use a rat as a loofa
@stephenjmolloy: Me: I'm not going to drink in 2017 *in hospital 3 days later* Doctor: You have to drink water you idiot