@juliussharpe: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and ten million dollars.
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@wolfpupy: i argued with the parrot at the pet store until it got sold away and the guy who bought it wouldnt let me in his car. that means i won
@LizHackett: "Why don't you have kids yet?" is a great question, ma'am, but I'm saving that conversation for the right total stranger at this gym.
@seamussaid: teaching my 1yo daughter to shout "Mike Wazowski!" every time someone opens a closet door
@savvystrider: The next person to tell me a joke about Indians & call centers is getting beaten to death with my snake charming flute.