@juliussharpe: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and ten million dollars.
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@MarlonBrandNO: Me: I have Schrödinger like reflexes "Don't you mean cat-like reflexes?" Me: Yes and No.
@OneThirstyNaut: Interviewer: Where did you receive your education? Me: Yale Interviewer: Wow! When did you graduate? Me: I yust got out in Yuly
@NoogsCorner: Guys, check out this cool trick I learned. Take your upper lip and make it touch your lower lip. Now keep them like that.
@goldengateblond: Tim Cook bravely announces he's gay. The world pats his hand like a kindly grandmother. "We know, dear."