@UNTRESOR: God has left this place
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@MaryKoCo: "How crazy is your ex? Crazy like my triceps?" "How sick is your mother? Sick like my triceps?"
@robdelaney: My wife just asked me why she came home to find marinara sauce all over our sleeping baby's head. Sorry babe, I'M NOT A DETECTIVE.
@KeetPotato: "this has never happened before" is that a yes or no? "let me check" [talks into radio] "steve can we let a dog on the rollercoaster?"