@ryaninco: God: I will create a being to cook, clean, serve and obey. Adam: what will it cost me? God: an arm and a leg. Adam: what can I get for a rib
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@_NinJar: [Dr.] "Your blood is 40% cheese, if you eat ANY more you'll die" *slowly raises piece of cheese to mouth* "Don't do it" *eats cheese* *dies*
@IamEnidColeslaw: Remember when that really cute guy held the door for you at the book store? He doesn't.
@tbhstop: has a fever: i'm ok coughs out lungs: i'm ok throat on fire: i'm ok is hungry: death, despair and chaos has entered my life
@panmidwest: [pulled over] ME: Ok, don't let him know you're an alligator COP: Sir, step out of the car & walk in a straight line ME: [exhale] thank God…