@yonewt: God I'm so stupid I was looking all over for my car keys, turns out they were on my head the entire time.
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@phalguy: Realtor: This house here comes with a playroom Wife: Oh, the kids will love that! Realtor: It's not that kind of playroom Husband: Nice
@DamienFahey: I've never seen a workplace Hanukkah display that didn't shout, "We legally had to do this."
@TheAlexNevil: Movies Lesson #5: very few people die while trying to get from one hotel room to another using the ledge outside, so give it a shot.
@Slim_is_Fat: (Watching Liar Liar) Wife: If you couldn't lie for 24 hrs, how much longer would we be married? Me: Until the end of this movie.