@shariv67: God is like Justin Bieber. I have nothing against him personally, but his fan club is super annoying.
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@iamspacegirl: my son kept whispering "perfect sandwich" over and over while he made a sandwich and now he won't even let me try it
@AndLive2Love: We were making out on the couch and She's like "Let's take this upstairs" I'm like "Ok you grab one side and I'll grab the other!"
@SirEviscerate: *shoots self in the foot and screams in agony for 20 seconds* *hits 'stop recording' on outgoing voicemail message*
@junejuly12: Shout out to the person who had the balls to open the first no kids allowed restaurant