@meganamram: God making man in his image was the original selfie
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@TheMichaelRock: If you draw a picture of a butthole on the questionnaire, there's a 95% chance you'll get out of jury duty. Would be 100%. But, Texas.
@caseytduncan: The worst part about getting kidnapped would be when the news told everyone your real height and weight.
@rachelaxler: he literally just said, "everyone's saying i won the debate." is it possible...hear me out...trump has an imaginary friend named Everyone?