@LOLGOP: God must be a Republican. He wasn't that into humans until He found His Son was one.
@Lisa_Laughs_: I'm fresh out of hopes and dreams. Can I interest you in despair and disappointments?
@FinallyHeSleeps: Just went into a women's restroom and lifted all the toilet seats.
@Rayne__Man: Fool me once, shame on you
Fool me twice, shame on me
Fool me three times, show me how you do that
@tastefactory: "I'm the only cop on the force who can play the bassoon dammit" "Not anymore" New cop in sunglasses walks in, just killing it on the bassoon