@michaelianblack: "God" not mentioned in Democratic platform means they don't worship God. "Money" mentioned eleven times in Republican platform.
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@remmarg_yelsel: I'd definitely watch a show with Dr. Phil going door to door reading people's Google search history out-loud with the most judgmental stare.
@QwertyJones3: "What are you doing tonight?" Gonna smoke some Herb. "Nice." -guys who work in a crematorium
@batsly: I hate when I walk in on another guy in a bathroom stall and, since we're both on our phones, neither of us notices until I sit on his lap.
@WilliamAder: If you get a present from me with scissors and a roll of tape trapped under the wrapping paper, I'm gonna need those back.