@LizHackett: God returns to his desk with lunch. Taking a bite, he looks over at video monitors marked "Earth". The avocado drops out of his sandwich.
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@DaddyJew: Parent: my child's reading at a 3rd grade level, what reading level is your son at? Me: he knows some curse words but not all of them yet
@AsgardianRose: Being an adult means I'm in charge of my own bedtime, and I've realized I'm not equipped to handle that responsibility.
@briancthayer: [food naming committee] ... Ok. Cow? - Beef Ground up? - Burger Great. Pig? - Pork Baked & sliced? - Ham Super! Deer? - Venison Fish? - Fish