@LizHackett: God returns to his desk with lunch. Taking a bite, he looks over at video monitors marked "Earth". The avocado drops out of his sandwich.
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@david8hughes: [date] Me: you wanna see what desserts they have? Girl: how about we go home & I'll let you- Me [calls waiter]: what desserts do u have?
@david8hughes: Ok so my grandmother is going on holiday on Friday, wants me to water her plants while she’s away & should never use emojis.
@KayRants: If you send multiple one sentence texts, I will mail a raccoon to your face I'm not kidding.