@LizHackett: God returns to his desk with lunch. Taking a bite, he looks over at video monitors marked "Earth". The avocado drops out of his sandwich.
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@WarningPuzzle: *walks into bar with camera* Me: Can I take a shot of this glass? Bartender: Take a pitcher, it'll last longer
@AristotlesNZ: OH GOD! BOB IS HAVING A HEART ATTACK! QUICK SOMEONE CALL A TEMP AGENCY. I'M SURE AS HELL NOT DOING ALL HIS WORK.
@daniel_shaw: Personal trainer said we're going to try some dips today. I brought hot salsa and tangy cheese. He hates me.
@CEHudspeth: "I can try" is a great response to invitations because you're not even committing to trying.