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@iamspacegirl: God *twisting an owl*: I can't get this damn jar open.
@albywizzy: Spoiler Alert: Ladies ,if your guy friend gets you a teddy bear it has a Camera in it.
@MikeHornick: A fake ID that says you're only 14 so you can get cheaper buffets
@Cavspc: Today I have been sober for 100 days.
Not, like, in a row or anything. Just in total.
@ch000ch: a fun game to play at the zoo is to walk hurriedly past a person and say "they've escaped. don't run. just walk very fast."
@johnsykes1035: "God's last name is not Dammit." Unknown