@samalmightysam: God was able to create everything in only 6 days cause he didn't have a woman next to him telling him what color she wanted everything to be
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@Xoolun: When I was younger my dad showed me pictures of why to wear condoms during sex. The funny thing is, they were all pictures of me.
@MUMSIEesq: 4YO: "So Santa comes down the chimney, into our house, while we're all sleeping?" ME: "Yup." 4YO: "And we're all just okay with that?"
@SamDelanche: Impatient means she's restlessly eager, inpatient means she lives in a mental hospital... Learned that one the hard way.
@hardlyrelevant: [I time travel to 1998] Guy: This is the first showing of Mulan, how does that dude in the front row already know the words to all the songs