@JoParkerBear: God will never give you more than you can handle, unless you were born in the wrong place or don't have money. That makes God super mad.
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@generaldietz: [Olive Garden] Me: *walks in* Hostess: *hands me shovel* Bury the bodies in the back. Me: Huh? Hostess: When you're here you're family.
@KeetPotato: never trust a person who says they don't like chocolate, even dogs eat chocolate and it kills them
@shariv67: I sleep with a knife under my pillow. You never know when someone is going to break in and give you a cake.