@JoParkerBear: God will never give you more than you can handle, unless you were born in the wrong place or don't have money. That makes God super mad.
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@myonlymizztake: Him: I'm sorry, can we start over? Me: great idea! You introduce yourself, and this time I'll keep walking.
@JKNenagh: Policeman:"Sir, we have sufficient evidence to believe that this vehicle has been stolen. Me: how Policeman: Step out of the tank Sir
@clarkekant: At some point in time, the brain named itself. You think it would have gone with something a little better, like Bernard.
@stevezorz: Trump's gonna be sooo mad when he finds out that China realized building a Great Wall didn't keep foreigners out 400 years before he did.