@LuvPug: God's son died single, but he'll help you find your match on Christian Mingle.
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@Steelers1972: My friend has canceled our lunch plans three days in a row. I'm starting to think she really doesn't like lunch.
@JennyJohnsonHi5: It's not fair how many boring things my nephew gets out of going to simply by shitting his pants.
@Bownuggets: Hate it when we run out of clean towels so I have to ride my white stallion Gregory up and down the driveway real fast to dry my mullet
@UrplePingo: In honor of Columbus Day I'm going to drive around until I get lost then make myself at home in the first clearly inhabited house I find