@Eenfidel: Godzilla on his smartphone, googling 'How many carbs does Tokyo have'
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@dmc1138: I had a dream I went to Hell and Satan forced me to sing karaoke with him. That's right, the Devil made me duet.
@Dawn_M_: "Women don't like me, idk why?" "Maybe it's because they sense you're a psycho who will decapitate their cat?" "No, that can't be it."
@IGotsSmarts: I once went to a diner and ordered a chicken salad sandwich and an egg salad sandwich to see which would come first.