@Henry_3k: *Goes back in time to kill the inventors of Twitter. Returns home to amaze friends on Facebook with endless jokes about vodka & pizza.*
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@DuckhouseMedia: Me, December 2016: I'm going to buy this juicer and lose some weight in January Me, January 2017: I have eaten the juicer
@awordforaword: "Finish your peas. Kids in China are starving" "Finish your math. Kids in America are cheating off the Asian kids"
@FancyNancyAnn: I hate when I drop my chili cheese dog in my car and then I have to eat my whole car.