@BillMc7: *goes on Facebook AGAIN*
*reads 100,000th idiotic post*
*thinks other people are stupid*
@themiltron: god: go to earth
god: i have a plan
jesus: is it a nice plan
god: it's a plan
@KeetPotato: [tortoise arguing with his gf]
"FINE IM LEAVING"
[6 minutes later]
are you going or not?
"THIS IS AS FAST AS I CAN GO KAREN"
@kelkulus: Pot smokers like to say it's safe because it's natural. Other safe natural things include sunburn, poison ivy, and being eaten by a bear.
@daemonic3: JESUS: [walks on water]
JUDAS: Actually, the body is 60% water so it's only 40% miracle
JESUS: You're killing me, Judas
@UtilityLimb: some tweets get big favs but no RTs. why? [camera pans to dog in lab coat high up on a distant ledge. we're too far away to hear his answer]