@PetiteRainCity: *Goes to the gym. Takes a selfie in front of the weights. Leaves.
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@iRowlf: Prank Idea For The Ladies: Swallow a plastic dinosaur, then make an appointment to get an ultrasound.
@XplodingUnicorn: [terrible nursing home] Old guy: How did you end up here? Elderly me: I made my kids steak instead of hot dogs. Him: *gasps* You monster.
@Jeffwni: [hears a voice in the sky] - Is it you? GOD?! [kneels] Voice: Could the idiot on platform 4 stop kneeling every time I make an announcement?
@KKAlThani: "Dad, why did your generation find a fat guy singing in Korean & pretending to ride a horse entertaining?" "I don't know son, I don't know."