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@TheBoydP: *Goes to work*
*Gets fired for breaking clock*
@heyevergreen: [showing colleague a pic on phone]
"NO! Don't scroll left!"
My face falls as he sees my erotic photo collection of donuts on plates.
@AaronFullerton: Before you buy that nice jacket online, ask yourself: "Am I willing to delete one extra email every day for the rest of my life?"
@ThaJawn: *takes a hit off the joint
This is the best baked sale ever
"It's a BAKE sale"
Tell me about it
@uccjeb: Just saw 666 on a license plate and, in case you guys were wondering, Satan drives a Jeep.
@PLATINUM2000: My daughter thought putting glue on her hands would help her walk up the walls, we're both a little disappointed that it didn't work.