@ScottLinnen: Going as a hashtag for Halloween so everybody ignores me.
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@zachreinert03: Hey people who say 'I want my funeral to be like this': what are you going to do about it if they don't do it like that?
@WakeVII: Thought I was at a Nicki Minaj concert for 15 min before I realized I was just watching a homeless man yell at a squirrel.
@TheTweetOfGod: When people say "To be honest...", it means that up to that point they've been lying.